The Best Surgeon In California

Three Californian surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.





One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in California . In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."





The second surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them and two years later… Continue

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My husband seem… Continue

GMA (Gloria Macapagal Arroyo - the president of the Philippines) and her driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. GMA told her driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened.

About 1 hour later GMA sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you?", asked GMA.

"Well, the Farmer gave me… Continue

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door. Before she could speak, the
enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that", asked the lady.

The bewild… Continue

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, were living in Florida , are all excited about their decision to get married.

They went for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds"

Jac… Continue

h a beautiful Language . . .

English Signs from Around the World

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge , Norway :
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa,… Continue

Weed Killer
A safer substitute for Round-up

Here is a great weed killer you can make for less than $4. Dissolve 2 cups table salt in 5 litres white vinegar (generic is ideal). Add 8 drops of liquid dishwashing detergent (this helps plant material absorb the liquid). Label and keep out of reach of children. Use this solution in an ordinary spray bottle. This non-toxic formulation acts quickly and is very effective, so don't spray near roots of trees, shrubs, or plants you'd like to keep. This is… Continue

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

So, the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face.



He tried to stand one more time; same result.

He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air

and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again.



So he decided to crawl the four blocks home.

Again, he fell flat on his face.

He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.

When… Continue

Another valuable piece of wisdom from some “kids”!!!


HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you
like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should
keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later
who you're stuck with. - Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET M… Continue

Tasmanian couple walking out of the divorce court, the wife is crying her heart out.

Husband says 'Oh for f**k's sake stop crying, you're still my sister'

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My ex-wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die you come back as something else.

She said she wanted to come back as a pig.

I said, 'You're not fucking listening'
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Was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in Afghanistan, to… Continue